also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
