So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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