I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
