How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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