i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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