It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
