Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
