so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
