yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
