Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
