3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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