I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
