You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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