He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
