you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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