u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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