the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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