i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
