she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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