How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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