I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
