Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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