Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize