You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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