It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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