This is not my ceiling
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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