I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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