I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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