I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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