Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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