the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
