if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we still banned from the library?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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