I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
