I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
