I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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