what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
