return my video game
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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