Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
is it fun? or sober?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
