You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
