ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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