can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
