Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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