I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
