pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
