is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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