so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
