You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
