Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
