My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
