Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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