I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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