that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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