I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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