Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
