so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
