the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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