So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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