Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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