I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
