Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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