but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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