You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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