bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
