o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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