just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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